Today is the last day of the year. I am not sure if I should be happy that this year is over, the worst of my life, or should be sad that this was the last year when I spent some time with you in your physical form.
This is a tricky situation, one end I am so eager for this year and any obligation to use it in date to end, on the other end I so want to hold it forever and clinch it as tightly as possible to never let the year when I had spent time with you to end.
From next year onwards it will never be a happy year for me. No matter what, no matter what I accomplish, or what all we add in our lives, the last year that started happy for me was 2022 and it will remain so. No matter how many more members we add in our family, we always will be one person short going in to 2023 and that fact will not change and neither will it let me say happy new year ever again.
A year is happy when you have your lifeline with you. My years were happy when I had you with me.
I am feeling such strong urge to somehow stop the clock from ticking, from moving forward, from ticking even one second more. In reality I do not want the year to end. I would want to live with this year when I was able to hug you and wish you happy new year rather than enter into a year which is void of you. It does not make sense, it never will. Any year where you are not physically there is no year to cherish. Ever.
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